Sober at 20
Non-Fiction short story.
October 2023, I decided to go sober, at least for the month anyway. Since then, I have had four Rattler ciders at pre-drinks and proceeded to have probably one of the worst nights out in a while, even worse than being sober in clubs.
I decided to go sober for many reasons. Some of them are simple like money and others not so much. Last October I was sexually assaulted at a Halloween party which then led to me to drinking more. I wanted to be very aware and alert of my surroundings this October and although alcohol may have suppressed some emotion, I think it was best for me not to indulge. I had many mental breakdowns and was forced out of the house by my lovely boyfriend on multiple occasions but for the best of reasons. He wanted me to have better and fonder memories of Halloween than the ones that remain on the front of my mind.
The drinking culture at university is like nothing I have ever seen, and I come from a thirsty family. Drinks were always stocked in the cupboards growing up and I had my fair share of house parties when I was younger. I remember, well more so, I don’t remember how I got home from a house party at the age of 16. A walk home that should've taken twenty minutes took two hours. When I finally put the key in the door and stumbled up the stairs, avoiding the creaky one on the fifth step, my little sister was standing there staring at me like something from a horror movie. She still reminds me to this day that she undressed me and put me in her Christmas pyjamas. The next morning, I had to go to B&M (the greatest place in the world according to my mum) to get a toilet seat as the fake tan from my face had imprinted onto it because of how long I spent throwing up.
I came to university never having been on a proper night out on the town due to the good Ol’ COVID-19. I turned 18 in lockdown and spent it getting my 15-year-old brother drunk from beer pong. I started smoking as soon as I was out of my mother's eyesight and buying bottles of wine just because I could. It felt great to finally be an adult! I regret saying that because now I'm an actual adult with bills, food shopping and very bad forehead lines that I think I'm going to have to get Botox for.
Drink wasn’t something I gravitated towards, I was lucky with my flat mates that none of them were mad on drinking or drugs, but when they all left for summer, I stayed in sunny Cornwall working as a chef full time to afford my rent for the next academic year. That’s when it started.
I’ve come to terms with the fact I have an addictive personality. If I'm around someone who is sad, I become sad, if I'm around someone who drinks a lot, I'll start to drink a lot. I think it stems from just wanting to fit in. I didn’t have many friends growing up and was relentlessly bullied so I kind of missed the lesson on how to make friends.
The money kept on coming out of my account, hungover Naomi would wake up to Monzo notifications summarizing the large sums of money lost.
Summer 2022 was not a good one. I lost a bunch of weight by not eating enough and spending all my money and time in the pub. My dad praised me for my skinny figure and flat stomach, but my mum worried about me. Her calls would go ignored as would her texts. I was too embarrassed to tell her what was going on, the one time I'm left to my own devices I become a mess. She also didn’t like the fact that I had to use a shoelace to keep my shorts up to avoid flashing my nan when I came to visit. I’ve gained it all back now, and more. Still trying to get used to it.
I decided to stop drinking for a month because I didn’t feel any comeuppance when I drank anymore. It used to be this amazing feeling, I became more confident and chattier, but I don’t need that anymore, I can do that on my own.
My family has a history of alcohol misuse, I saw what I was doing to be the beginning of something I might not be able to come back from.
In the month of me not drinking, I realized how much the people I surround myself with drink copious amounts of alcohol. Any social event or even if we went for a coffee, they would always end up with a pint in hand. I was questioned on why I wasn’t drinking; I gave them various reasons but never the real one. I was called “boring”, and I was told “but now you're not gonna be any fun on nights out” In my head I was telling them to fuck off but what came out my mouth was very different.
Going on nights out with people who remind me a lot of my past self was not healthy for me. I ended up going home early a few times which led to me being told I was ruining the night. I feel for them in a way because I know what they are going through, but at the same time, don’t be an arse.
I decided to drink just for the sake of the comments and to be honest I hated every second. I felt fake, I felt like I was forcing myself to drink this concoction of bitter pears to make people happy. “I’m so glad you drank tonight Naomi because now we get to see the real you” when I heard that I stopped drinking and sobered up.
For me, I've had my time of crazy nights out and I have enough stories to tell if I were to ever find myself round a campfire. I would say I'm sober because at various points in my life I was dependent on alcohol and that turned sour not long after. I don’t feel the need to tell people every reason why because that’s my personal life. I may have an Aperol Spritz here and there if I feel like it but as of right now, I'm good getting excited over three bottles of Robinsons squash for £3.